by Neelam Nanwani | Jun 18, 2024 | Soul Words
If I live every moment from the space of being my true potential and my true nature, from my true centre, then I would realise that everything that triggers me about the other is my own aspect deeply hidden within me, looking for validation and acknowledgement.
Slowly and gradually, what others do, will not matter. What I AM, is what will drive the heart always. And that realisation will keep bringing me back to my own centre, to my own truth.
The closer I move to my own truth and the more I live my own true self, what others do, will cease to trigger and bother me.
If someone or something on the outside is bothering me and if a reality exists within me which feels unjust or unfair to me, then I pause and know that it is my own wounding screaming for attention and perhaps even a simple acknowledgement.
During my homestay at Binsar, many such wounds and triggers reared their head again. Aspects that I thought I had made peace with, came crawling up my sleeve, all over again.
For the first three days, the home stay was graced with a large group of 16 people, most of them were students of Vedanta. They were treated with a lot of care and respect and all of their needs met, whether they asked for it or not.
When the group left, a part of me started observing a change of attitude and a certain degree of misogynistic attitude in the owner of the home stay. Simple things I would request would be denied or over looked while the group was treated quite differently.
This started happening repetitively that brought up an unrest in me and the old wounds around “This is unfair or unjust” and “Am I not equally important, so what if I am not with a group” , triggered again. My anger, amidst the stillness of nature was palpable.
We all struggle with our unique place in this web of life, we all ache to feel significant and we all aspire to feel in this scheme of things , “we have a role to play and that we matter.”
The child self in us aches to be seen, to feel that it matters and that it’s important. When this sense of self of the child is threatened, a sense of unrest and often unsafety starts arising in the child. And this then, gives rise to all the chaos and the drama on the outside.
Thanks to my dreamwork and the dream I had the previous night and thanks to the stillness of nature which spoke to me in myriad ways, it made me aware that my own wounds around “life is unfair” or my past family history and karmic history around having experienced “injustice” (or even causing injustice) was rearing its head again.
This awareness induced a pause button to my reactive nature and propelled me to breathe through this pain, again and just be present to it.
I sent love to my child self, spoke to it and I deepened in prayer and surrender. I also sent blessings to the perceived perpetrator.
My unrest settled and although I stayed present to the instances which were seemingly unfair, I also felt compassion for the man and could empathise with his wounding which made him behave in a certain way.
As I communed with nature, I could find my way back to my stillness and in the subsequent days the stay came with a sense of ease and acceptance of the given moment.
The Nature Spirits and my dreamworld were kind enough to show me where I was still holding traces of my pain and gave me an opportunity to accept it, not fight it and yet surrender it.
Returning back to my centre brought me back, home to my true nature.
Celebrate your true nature and Mama nature. Join us for a Full Moon Celebration Drum Circle on 22 June (Saturday) from 7 pm to 8.30 pm (IST). You can add yourself to the WhatsApp group here to get the Zoom link and other updates.
Header Photo by Pixabay
by Neelam Nanwani | Jun 12, 2024 | Soul Words
What if grief was a pen and it would start writing? What would it write?
What if grief was a voice? What would it sing?
What if grief was a cauldron? What would it stir?
What if grief was a wave? How would it ebb and flow?
What if grief was a body? How would it move or dance?
What if grief was a gateway ? Where would it lead to?
What if grief was sacred? What prayer would it be?
What if grief was love? Where would it flow?
What if grief was a paintbrush? What would it paint?
Why is joy glorified and grief undermined?
What if grief was a cave ? Would you feel safe to go inside and rest?
Why is it so important to be okay all the time?
Why does society not advocate breaking down?
Doesn’t the nature deconstruct in order to reconstruct?
Aren’t we integral aspects of nature too?
Aren’t we nature personified?
What if grief was connected to bringing us close to our true nature?
What if grief was water? What would it wash away?
What if grief was fire? What would it transform and birth?
What if grief was air? What would it communicate, carry or clear?
What if grief was earth ? What would it absorb?
What if grief was the key to everything we lock inside our hearts?
What if grief is the gateway to our soul?
Header Photo by Tatiana Syrikova
by Neelam Nanwani | Apr 23, 2024 | Soul Words
When a negative comment by someone or a perceived dislike of theirs or a comment on some aspect of our being disturbs our peace of mind, then it is a straight co-relation to our lack of “self-acceptance.”
When we have accepted ourselves deeply, then the labels, expectations, judgements, comments, dislike of others to our being stop affecting us. The deeper the self-acceptance, the lesser the pain that the outside world “perceivably” flings at us.
Then we feel less awkwardness in being who we are and move deeper to our owning of the Self.
To the extent we worry or are bothered by others’ labels, titles, expectations, comments, likes or dislikes, to the extent their approval matters, to that extent our self-acceptance has not deepened yet.
Of course it is not a one day, one month thing. It is always a work in progress and it gets deeper by the day, provided we are aware it is an issue around self-acceptance. The co-relation between these aspects is not even subliminal. It is so direct. This is also a part of Self Love.
Here are some words we can repeat to ourselves to begin our self-love journey:
✨ I choose to leave toxic spaces where my Being is not accepted, valued and respected.
✨ I choose to let go of those people and spaces that are not in honour and integrity of who I am.
✨ I choose to let go of spaces where there is no freedom to BE ME.
✨ I choose to not fight every battle. It’s ok to leave without explaining and expecting a different treatment.
✨ I choose to leave and not return if there are no apologies in the form of changed behaviour.
✨ I choose to be with myself than with people who violate my integrity, trust, respect and freedom over and over again.
✨ I choose to forgive but not return to spaces that violated me or ostracised me.
✨ I choose not to prove my worth or my significance by martyring my well-being repeatedly.
✨ I choose not to seek validation for my presence or essence.
✨ I choose to honour my anger and all my emotions and acknowledge them fully.
✨ I choose my freedom over false acceptance to fit in.
✨ I choose to wait for the right people to walk in and fill that space.
✨ I choose to surrender my pain of not being included but I also choose to breathe and believe that I cannot at any cost undermine the journey of the SELF.
✨ My unbecoming journey is painful but I choose to grow despite unconscious resistance if any.
✨ I choose self-love and self-acceptance over acceptance by others.
✨ I choose loyalty to Self.
And so it is. Aho.
Header Photo by Tim Mossholder
by Neelam Nanwani | Apr 9, 2024 | Soul Words
Healing doesn’t happen by avoiding what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by desperately trying to release what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by pushing away vehemently what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by smartly numbing or conveniently suppressing what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by unconsciously masking what we are feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by braving that feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by smiling through that feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by shopping, eating or drinking through that feeling.
Healing doesn’t happen by working and making oneself busy while feeling what you are feeling.
These FALSE paradigms of work through it, push through it, rise through it, eat through it, forget about it, learn through it, seek through it, move away from it – all these have eaten us away from inside.
All our UNDIGESTED pain and sorrow is what IS the “sum total” of what we today see as the violence, abuse, insecurities, jealousy, competition, greed, control, mental illnesses, physical illnesses, etc.
We want society ills to end. But we continue violating our own self, we continue abusing our own self, we are continually either numbing pain or escaping pain and if there is someone who shows courage to live their pain, then we are continually shaming and judging their pain or journey. OR we perpetually advise them to brave their pain or work and forget about their pain.
Introspect an area of your life when you might have unconsciously done this to yourself.
- Has it resulted in illness, despair, complaints, victimhood, mental breakdown later?
- Has it led to stagnation?
- Has it made you feel like a piece of shit within while the world continues to glorify its outward glamour while feeling empty and full of ruckus inside?
- Has it made you question your existence?
- Have you felt fulfilled by brushing it inside the carpet?
- Has your seeking ended?
If not, then PAUSE.
Today, BEFRIEND your pain.
PS: Befriending our pain takes more courage than avoiding our pain. This is why the feminine teachings are not for the faint of heart. There is a reason Durga Rides the tiger.
Foundation of Shamanism workshop is returning on April 27-28 2024. To learn more:
✉️ neelamnanwani@yahoo.in
📞 9979901933
🌐 shamanic-vision.net
