by Neelam Nanwani | Jan 5, 2021 | Soul Words
Anger :- A gift or a curse?? …. Read on….
I sat with my anger. I held its hand and thanked it. I breathed deeply. Looked at it. Acknowledged it and then asked, “Why are you here?”
“I am here”, anger replied, “Because you let everyone violate you and take you for granted. You do not draw your boundaries.”
I sat there, frozen, in silence, absorbing this. Anger, which I thought was bad, which I was taught is the root cause of every evil, which I was conditioned to believe has to be controlled, was actually playing a beautiful role in my life. It was a gift.
That made me think, “If I embraced this gift, the gift of drawing boundaries, what would happen?” “Will anger go away”?, I thought to myself.
I went on an inner pilgrimage. I went back in time and observed all incidents that had made me angry. The underlying aspect in all those situations was that I felt violated in some way. Not respected, not honored in some way. I allowed people to take away my power, I felt helpless. And there came anger to protect me. Because I could not protect or honor myself.
Anger was playing a wonderful role.
So, there I was sitting with “anger” again. “Tell me anger”, what should I do?”
Anger replied, “Draw boundaries, Re-claim your power and I WILL BE GONE”.
You may ask, “What happened next”? “Did you apply boundaries? Did anger go away?”
“No, Not Really”, I say. It is a PART of me. How can a part of ME go away? You see, every emotion is a part of us. We are, as Carl Jung, says, a 360 degree person with various personality parts.
“Then what’s the point?”, you may ask.
“Well, Anger, right now stands away – may be as a gatekeeper, guarding, not controlling – just watching whether I let any unwelcome guests inside.
As long as I don’t, it keeps quiet. The moment I “Allow” someone to take my power away, whenever I am helpless or let anyone violate or manipulate me, whenever I ‘allow’ this, the Gatekeeper comes ALIVE.
Anger is a guardian. It’s an ally. I understand it’s gift. The more I apply and use this gift, the more it just stands at the threshold, ‘watching’.
The moment I don’t apply the gifts, it walks right back in.
Every emotion is a gift. You just have to sit with it and ask, “Why are you here? What role are you playing?”
Can you do that with your anger? With your fear, insecurity, jealousy, resistance?
Try it and share.
by Neelam Nanwani | Jan 3, 2021 | Soul Words
Every man who feels disrespect or anger towards or violated by a / any woman, has a responsibility to heal his own inner feminine emanating from his own wounded masculine.
Any woman who feels disrespect / angst/ frustration/ anger towards or violated by a / any man has a responsibility to heal her own wounded masculine emanating from her own wounded feminine.
It is not a dance of genders anymore. It is a dance of one’s own inner feminine and inner masculine.
Begin with the hurt you have felt as a child and as an adult through your mother for healing your inner wounded feminine and the hurt that you have felt through your father for your inner wounded masculine.
There are many layers to healing this aspect but unless we address these fundamental aspects, our relationship with the world and with our own self IS NOT going to improve.
What we disown, get rid of, finds its way through in some way or the other and hence no matter how painful this process may be, (and yes it is indeed a long one and not a one session or event thing), the sooner we acknowledge it and begin the process of peeling off, the sooner will be there birth.
It is ok to be angry with our pain (care) givers and it is ok to move away from them for the sanctity of our own being.
However, ultimately, it is crucial to GROW UP and face the hurts and pains they have caused us consciously and unconsciously and stop going back to them for validation and approval.
This is not an easy journey as a child who has felt unloved through her / his childhood needs a tone of acknowledgement and validation and who else can he / she look to except his own roots.
For, if it cannot be from our roots, then the whole foundation feels shaken and entire life feels fake.
This pain can numb us, freeze us, make us cold or indifferent to the suffering of others or make us violent and absent to the needs of others. Not to mention, a total disconnection from one’s own TRUE SELF.
This is a pain which is soooooooooo crucial and such an important aspect and crux of healing for the entire humanity and without addressing this, whatever esoteric heights we may conquer will be a sheer waste.
Wounded parents give birth to a child which then becomes a part of a wounded family who then grows up to be a wounded adult who then creates a wounded atmosphere for self and others.
And
Quite unknowingly so.
And that is just the sad part of it all. The wounds that we run away from, we unconsciously cause in others until the day we seek to deconstruct our own self totally and allow the painful death of the self.
A rebirth is possible only when we allow this death within and without.
A crossover awaits. Will we allow ??
