by Neelam Nanwani | Jul 11, 2025 | Soul Words
If you feel that going to a healer, therapist or coach once a week – or even twice a month – will resolve all your problems, think again.
Healing is an everyday process. In fact, it is an every MOMENT process.
The healer or facilitator’s role is only 50%. If you cannot take responsibility for your healing on a day to day, moment to moment basis, then no healing will work. It is not the healing method that is the problem, or the coach/facilitator that is the problem.
Only and only YOU ARE.
Until you make yourself a priority, nothing will change.
For example, no journey to heal abandonment will do anything if you choose to continue to abandon yourself in small ways every day.
If we cannot say no to events – even when we have paid for a workshop or have prior commitments – chances are self-love, self-priority and self-honour are zero.
• Abandonment of self WILL attract abandonment from outside.
• Betrayal of self WILL lead to betrayal by others.
• Lack of loyalty to self WILL attract lack of loyalty to you from outside.
Becoming aware of how you unknowingly betray yourself is the first step. Self-loyalty is a conscious choice we have to make daily, every moment. over and over and over again.
If you don’t choose YOU, no one ever will. It’s as simple as that. Most importantly your children will also learn to abandon themselves. And since we are the ancestors of our future, we create an ancestral pattern and affect 7 future generations.
Every choice matters. Every lack of action is also a choice.
We all are learning to choose ourselves slowly and surely. What matters is the awareness around this. What is important is to be aware of the words that we say. Saying I did not want to go, but HAD to go clearly reflects that we have a fear of being judged, shamed, isolated, ostracised and being alone.
Until we deal with this fear, all spiritual teachings are a waste. Because the spiritual journey WILL put us into situations where we will be tested – to choose ourselves or to abandon ourselves.
When we begin our healing journeys, often, we face situations that deter us from the inner work. We either get distracted or the outer chaos increases.
This happens because our deep-rooted inner resistance shows up in disguise, resisting the very change we say we desire.
When we commit, intend and be in a space of allowance, things begin to align. The work becomes easier and the outer world starts to support us.
Outer challenges are often a projection of our own resistance and shadow. They act as initiations, provoking us to choose ourselves again and again.
When we start digging, gunk gets stirred up and rises to the surface. Issues we thought we had made peace with resurface – to be felt and released.
That’s why healing is not for the faint of heart. It is the path of a warrior.
The question I must ask myself:
• Why am I choosing to abandon myself?
• Why am I choosing entanglements, distractions and confusion over clarity and self?
• Why am I NOT choosing myself?
Feeling the call to walk this warrior’s path?
You can reach out to Neelam on 9979901933 for 1-on-1 mentorship. Let’s walk this journey together, consciously and powerfully.
Or, join our WhatsApp group, Empowerment Circles, to stay updated on upcoming free webinars, workshops, and retreats that support your healing and growth.
Don’t forget to choose yourself. Again and again. And the world will follow.
Header Photo by Silver Works.
by Neelam Nanwani | Sep 24, 2024 | Soul Words
Why does the one person who doesn’t value or appreciate us become so important over all the others who do see us, value us and appreciate us?
I guess our mind has a tendency to go to the source from where we need love but don’t often get it. And we keep running to get it from that source only to retraumatise our wounded rejected inner child.
Why is it so difficult to retrain our minds to appreciate the sources of love and support present in our life rather than keep running for the one source from where we need it but keep coming back disappointed over and over again?
The source that disappoints could be our parent, our child, our partner, our lover, our friend or someone else who the mind attaches importance to.
Why do we often loop in our traumas even though many aspects of our life seem to be moving ahead and yet some parts of us attach to the pain, and keep inviting traumatic experiences again and again and again.
Re-parenting the fragmented parts of our psyche is hard. Feeling loved when our childhood experiences have been of feeling unloved and unwanted is harder.
Saying no to those who make us feel rejected is hardest because we are so afraid of letting them go, we are so afraid of feeling empty, miserable or alone again.
We often put up with breadcrumbs knowing fully well we deserve a well laid out lavish platter.
Old wounds come gushing back no matter how much healing we do. That’s the cost of childhood trauma that we pay as adults. And if we are married and have kids, we leave that trauma for our future generations too.
Breaking free from these entanglements and old patterns of behaviour within the self may feel miserably challenging and painful.
But this is what self love demands. If we truly love ourselves, would we allow ourselves to be re-traumatised again and again?
When old hurts resurface, wouldn’t it be wiser to become aware and do a reality check instead of wallowing in misery, “Is this hurt/person/incident/situation really worth killing my self love and causing me mental, emotional or physical distress?”
I am not saying we should not acknowledge our pain but if the pain is a repetitive pattern caused by some internal wiring and faulty stories that we have kept feeding our inner child, isn’t it time to become aware of this inner chatter and consciously, over and over again, rewrite this inner dialogue and keep feeding a New Story to the child self within?
Don’t we all deserve better?
We are love and we are loved…no matter what the internal and external stories project.
Let us all remind each other this very simple and yet profound truth that we are indeed not unloved but very deeply loved not just by the universe/divine/our guides and power animals but also by many many earth angels.
Maybe it’s time to feed a new story to our inner children.
Will we at least try?
The Empowerment Circle is coming back in October 2024 with a new topic of discussion: Magic of Menstruation. It is open for MEN & WOMEN and is on 2 October from 6 to 8 PM IST.
Join the WhatsApp group for details.
by Neelam Nanwani | Apr 23, 2024 | Soul Words
When a negative comment by someone or a perceived dislike of theirs or a comment on some aspect of our being disturbs our peace of mind, then it is a straight co-relation to our lack of “self-acceptance.”
When we have accepted ourselves deeply, then the labels, expectations, judgements, comments, dislike of others to our being stop affecting us. The deeper the self-acceptance, the lesser the pain that the outside world “perceivably” flings at us.
Then we feel less awkwardness in being who we are and move deeper to our owning of the Self.
To the extent we worry or are bothered by others’ labels, titles, expectations, comments, likes or dislikes, to the extent their approval matters, to that extent our self-acceptance has not deepened yet.
Of course it is not a one day, one month thing. It is always a work in progress and it gets deeper by the day, provided we are aware it is an issue around self-acceptance. The co-relation between these aspects is not even subliminal. It is so direct. This is also a part of Self Love.
Here are some words we can repeat to ourselves to begin our self-love journey:
✨ I choose to leave toxic spaces where my Being is not accepted, valued and respected.
✨ I choose to let go of those people and spaces that are not in honour and integrity of who I am.
✨ I choose to let go of spaces where there is no freedom to BE ME.
✨ I choose to not fight every battle. It’s ok to leave without explaining and expecting a different treatment.
✨ I choose to leave and not return if there are no apologies in the form of changed behaviour.
✨ I choose to be with myself than with people who violate my integrity, trust, respect and freedom over and over again.
✨ I choose to forgive but not return to spaces that violated me or ostracised me.
✨ I choose not to prove my worth or my significance by martyring my well-being repeatedly.
✨ I choose not to seek validation for my presence or essence.
✨ I choose to honour my anger and all my emotions and acknowledge them fully.
✨ I choose my freedom over false acceptance to fit in.
✨ I choose to wait for the right people to walk in and fill that space.
✨ I choose to surrender my pain of not being included but I also choose to breathe and believe that I cannot at any cost undermine the journey of the SELF.
✨ My unbecoming journey is painful but I choose to grow despite unconscious resistance if any.
✨ I choose self-love and self-acceptance over acceptance by others.
✨ I choose loyalty to Self.
And so it is. Aho.
Header Photo by Tim Mossholder
