Grandfather sky, the wind spirits, the bird people, father sun called out to me. (In shamanism, we refer to all of nature as all our relations and we call them by addressing them as people. Such as tree people, mountain people, rock people, flower people and so on).
Source: Pinterest
I needed to be in the open to experience the vastness of the sky, the gentle soothing morning breeze on my face, sun and his heat to warm my empty broken spirit and the lightness of the birds – flying overhead, making eye contact and chirping.
Although my knees were hurting, I made an endeavour to climb the staircase to reach the terrace of my building.
Grandfather sky welcomed me with a broad smile. I felt alive. It was as if a protective guardian/Elder was watching over me. The early morning breeze caressed my cheeks and that began my communion with nature.
I walked back and forth, prayed to the sun, watched the birds and suddenly a wave of grief engulfed me.
My body was enjoying the experience and yet I couldn’t understand why grief came upon me.
Source: Pinterest
I walked a couple of rounds on the terrace. It reminded me of the good old days when I have sat on this terrace, did my shamanic work, prayed for my depression and have been showered with many a guidance while I navigate through multiple shamanic initiations in my current journey.
This terrace has beautifully held me, enveloped me with its love, been a container of all my emotions and illnesses. It has been a witness to my twin flame journey when we both went to witness sunrise and prayed for my twin’s hernia surgery.
We have sat there in mild winter sunlight and we have drummed quite a bit as well.
The terrace with the vastness of the sky above it always reminds me and helps me re-member my vastness, grandeur and flight whenever I seem to forget that in the scheme of mundane chores and challenges.
During covid, when I had no one to talk to (Paul was in the US at the time) or after Paul’s passing in 2021, the terrace has been my single most loyal companion.
It has listened to my cries and screams, celebrated my drumming, welcomed my prayers when I sat on the staircase to help departed souls transition with ease during covid. It has been in full partnership with me. I have received from this terrace like I have not received from a human friend.
It has reminded me over and over again that I am not alone and that the whole universe is working with me and for me and is there for me.
So today, as I prayed for divine grace to bring ease to my spiritual journey, I cried and at the same time, felt so much gratitude for this space.
In, shamanism, we believe that EVERYTHING IS ALIVE and everything is connected to everything else. We believe that the entire universe is in partnership with us and co creating with us and for us.
I feel deep gratitude for the terrace holding space for me, co creating with me, present to me and embracing me without judgement or gyaan.
Perhaps it is this unconditional love that brought tears to my eyes.
They were tears of gratitude. And with this gratitude I returned back home to resume my day.
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When we (me & Paul ) visited Zion National Park in Utah, US May 2018, we stopped by at the museum which was playing a movie on Zion National Park, the Virgin river forming the canyon, various movements of earth across millions of years which gave birth to Zion National Park.
They were explaining how different forces of nature, cause changes over millions of years and how they influence in the formation of the canyon and these huge stand stones and rocks. The documentary talked about how the river keeps moving and along with forces of nature, even today, certain portions of the rocks keep getting eroded, forming new path ways, forcing the river to shift its course and form new path ways as well.
The one line from the documentary that has always stayed with me is this :- “Zion National Park” is a “Masterpiece and a work in progress”.
The river keeps carving new pathways influenced by the various elements and the weather.
Every thing is a cause and effect. Everything is ever changing, fluid, imperfect yet beautiful.
There is full allowance of destruction and re creation.
This is such so true about all of life, isn’t’ it… And also about all of us. Only if were to embody and accept this truth. The gift and beauty of who we already are and yet we are also a work in progress.
If each one of us were to embrace this truth “We are a master piece and work in progress”, our inner consciousness and outer consciousness would shift so effortlessly and magnanimously, isn’t it??
So many blocks to self worth would dissolve automatically and gone would be years of programming …. pooof.
I sat with my anger. I held its hand and thanked it. I breathed deeply. Looked at it. Acknowledged it and then asked, “Why are you here?”
“I am here”, anger replied, “Because you let everyone violate you and take you for granted. You do not draw your boundaries.”
I sat there, frozen, in silence, absorbing this. Anger, which I thought was bad, which I was taught is the root cause of every evil, which I was conditioned to believe has to be controlled, was actually playing a beautiful role in my life. It was a gift.
That made me think, “If I embraced this gift, the gift of drawing boundaries, what would happen?” “Will anger go away”?, I thought to myself.
I went on an inner pilgrimage. I went back in time and observed all incidents that had made me angry. The underlying aspect in all those situations was that I felt violated in some way. Not respected, not honored in some way. I allowed people to take away my power, I felt helpless. And there came anger to protect me. Because I could not protect or honor myself.
Anger was playing a wonderful role.
So, there I was sitting with “anger” again. “Tell me anger”, what should I do?”
Anger replied, “Draw boundaries, Re-claim your power and I WILL BE GONE”.
You may ask, “What happened next”? “Did you apply boundaries? Did anger go away?”
“No, Not Really”, I say. It is a PART of me. How can a part of ME go away? You see, every emotion is a part of us. We are, as Carl Jung, says, a 360 degree person with various personality parts.
“Then what’s the point?”, you may ask.
“Well, Anger, right now stands away – may be as a gatekeeper, guarding, not controlling – just watching whether I let any unwelcome guests inside.
As long as I don’t, it keeps quiet. The moment I “Allow” someone to take my power away, whenever I am helpless or let anyone violate or manipulate me, whenever I ‘allow’ this, the Gatekeeper comes ALIVE.
Anger is a guardian. It’s an ally. I understand it’s gift. The more I apply and use this gift, the more it just stands at the threshold, ‘watching’.
The moment I don’t apply the gifts, it walks right back in.
Every emotion is a gift. You just have to sit with it and ask, “Why are you here? What role are you playing?”
Can you do that with your anger? With your fear, insecurity, jealousy, resistance?
