by Neelam Nanwani | Jan 11, 2021 | Soul Words
My heart aches to see so much corruption, manipulation and control in spiritual sects as well.
It’s like in the olden times witches and women with spiritual prowess were physically tortured and killed and now a different kind of suppression exists.
The suppression through controlling people /spiritual seekers through creating cults, co dependency, control, manipulation and through their mind.
The witches still continue to be annihilated and the sad part is they can’t even see it or realize it.
The mind games and controlling the other is so subtle that the seeker doesn’t even realize it.
Very sad state of affairs.
The above introspection made me write what a spiritual teacher should be like.
The best teacher is the one who has the courage to say, “go fly, you can do it on your own”.
The true teacher doesn’t hold the students close to their chest and create dependency.
The true teacher let’s them learn to do things on their own and make their own mistakes and chart their own part.
The true teacher doesn’t decide on the behalf of students but rather lets the student make his/her own decisions and allows them to be independent.
Everyone needs a tribe but there is a difference between a cult and a community.
Most spiritual teachers are falling prey to the same patriarchal divide of superiority and inferiority. The teacher is superior and the seeker is inferior.
The circle of oneness is once again falling prey to manipulation, divide, control and toxic co dependence between the teacher and the seeker.
The moment a seeker starts putting the teacher on a pedestal, he/she begins the journey of losing his/her own uniqueness, beauty, magnificence and sovereignty.
I am not saying don’t respect the teacher or look up to them for guidance and leadership but beware of the hierarchal leadership emanating from our current dysfunctional existing set ups and a feminine influenced leadership that creates community not a cult, that promotes healthy collaboration n is not afraid to help students rise to their own glory and is ultimately about oneness and not divide.
We have such deep rooted wounding and insecurities that we now use our spiritual gifts in a manipulative way to prove to the students we are indispensable.
It is time for great awareness amongst the spiritual so called leaders as well.
Are you as a leader creating healthy influence or out of your own fears and ego and insecurities, creating toxic co dependency between yourself and your students aka one more dysfunction aka refuting the purpose of spiritual quest and healing altogether??
It’s time for some introspection for those who call themselves teachers /path showers on the spiritual path.
by Neelam Nanwani | Jan 10, 2021 | Soul Words
Every man who feels disrespect or anger towards or violated by a / any woman, has a responsibility to heal his own inner feminine emanating from his own wounded masculine.
Any woman who feels disrespect / angst/ frustration/ anger towards or violated by a / any man has a responsibility to heal her own wounded masculine emanating from her own wounded feminine.
It is not a dance of genders anymore. It is a dance of one’s own inner feminine and inner masculine.
Begin with the hurt you have felt as a child and as an adult through through your mother for healing your inner wounded feminine and the hurt that you have felt through your father for your inner wounded masculine.
There are many many layers to healing this aspect but unless we address these fundamental aspects, our relationship with the world and with our own self IS NOT going to improve.
What we disown, get rid of, finds its way through in some way or the other and hence no matter how painful this process may be, (and yes it is indeed a long one and not a one session or event thing), the sooner we acknowledge it and begin the process of peeling off, the sooner will be the re birth.
It is ok to be angry with our pain (care) givers and it is ok to move away from them for the sanctity of our own being.
However, ultimately, it is crucial to GROW UP and face the hurts and pains they have caused us consciously and unconsciously and stop going back to them for validation and approval.
This is not an easy journey as a child who has felt unloved through her / his childhood needs a tone of acknowledgement and validation and who else can he / she look to except his own roots.
For, if it cannot be from our roots, then the whole foundation feels shaken and entire life feels fake.
This pain can numb us, freeze us, make us cold or indifferent to the suffering of others or make us violent and absent to the needs of others. Not to mention, a total disconnection from one’s own TRUE SELF.
This is a pain which is so crucial and such an important aspect and crux of healing for the entire humanity and without addressing this, whatever esoteric heights we may conquer will be a sheer waste.
Wounded parents give birth to a child which then becomes a part of a wounded family who then grows up to be a wounded adult who then creates a wounded atmosphere for self and others.
And
Quite unknowingly so.
And that is just the sad part of it all. The wounds that we run away from, we unconsciously cause in others until the day we seek to deconstruct our own self totally and allow the painful death of the self.
A rebirth is possible only when we allow this death within and without.
A crossover awaits. Will we allow??
by Neelam Nanwani | Jan 9, 2021 | Soul Words
No matter how loved we indeed “are” and no matter how much love we NOW receive, we always go back to the source of lack or the source from where we initially expected it and didn’t receive. That is why the wounding doesn’t end.
The wounded boy keeps going back to the same person who caused the wounding. The wounded boy still expects that the mother will love him in the way he has always sought and desired. That expectation just doesn’t end
The wounded boy still seeks validation from the parent who made him feel like shit in the first place.
Why do we keep doing this? Why is our parents’ approval and appreciation so fundamental to our feeling worthy?
When we withdraw our energy from those spaces who have caused the wounding, we find spaces within us for healing that rejection and abandonment and we find acceptance of ourselves within the self and we find acceptance within others who cross our path.
Agreed that the our primary care givers are the ones whom we keep going back to and it is very natural to expect appreciation, love, acceptance and acknowledgement of our self from them. With every achievement, with every decision, we seek their approval.
And yes, it is disheartening beyond measure when we find that these spaces instead of offering us validation, appreciation and acceptance, offer us their own twisted manipulated space of love which suits their own needs.
What does a wounded boy do in such a situation??
Well, well, the wounded boy first needs to GROW UP. Become an adult where he realizes that he is responsible for the choices that he makes. And that he doesn’t have to be a ‘good boy” who tries to live up to the expectations of his parents inorder to seek their love and appreciation and acknowledgement.
The wounded boy, having grown into an adult needs to start making his own choices and decisions and stop seeking his parents’ approval.
Having grown into an adult,, he now seeks to help the wounded boy within to cope, to come to terms with this disappointment, to let go of the expectations and the guilt of not living up to their expectations. The adult self needs to help the wounded boy to feel that pain and finally let go of that pain. The adult self then needs to help the wounded boy see and acknowledge the spaces from where love, appreciation, validation, acknowledgement, acceptance is ‘now’ coming and indeed ‘now being received.’
The adult self then needs to help the wounded boy see the wisdom in that pain. And the adult self needs to help the wounded boy come to a “closure” with the mother wound or the father wound.
Last but not the least, having arrived at a closure, the adult self now needs to have the wounded boy come to a neutral space for his parents. Where the journey of this boy is no longer being fueled by the pain associated with his childhood or his parents.
And only when this neutrality comes, can the wisdom be accepted, digested and integrated. Only after having done this DEEP work, can we now feel EMPATHY for our parents who caused us this deep wounding. The empathy for this realization of how unaware they are and also the empathy that how much trauma consciously or unconsciously they carry within themselves to be creating / perpetuating this dysfunction.
And it is only here and only here that “WE” BREAK this dysfunction and begin this work of healing the wounded masculine and feminine within. Because it is only here that we realize that our feminine and masculine paradigms are built upon rotten roots of our caregivers and their roots are built upon the rotten roots of their care givers and so on.
It is here we being another descend, in to the healing of our ancestral lineage. Yes, we may have nothing to do with our ancestors, we may not even know them. But whether we want it or not, desire it or not, we have within us the same imprints and the DNA.
Our wounded masculine and feminine cannot heal until we take this journey and address this aspect of our descend.
When we heal our ancestral lineages, we heal our ROOTS. Whether these roots absorb the healing or continue in their own paradigm of dysfunction is not for us to then decide or expect. It is here that we let go of the attachment to this outcome.
We heal the Self and all these dysfunctional imprints with us and that is the only responsibility that we can take.
Yes it is or can be a long journey. A journey that will take many a descend. A journey that will begin with one spiral and then go into another spiral of the same pain and the same rejection and abandonment.
The wounded boy cannot do this without the adult self,
And hence the wounded boy needs to allow that part within him to first RISE UP. To GROW UP.
There will be times when the child self will be wise and the adult self will be wounded and there will be times when another child parts will be in pain and the adult self will play a parent to these parts in pain.
But, this is a descend all wounded boys and g irls MUST take.
Just doing inner child work is not going to be enough unless the adult self teaches the boy / girl within to not keep going back to the spaces and people who caused the pain in the first place. This work is not complete until the wounded boy / girl doesn’t feel a closure with the mother and the father.
When we arrive at a closure with the mother and / or the father, does it mean that they or their attitude / behavior / dysfunction shifts or changes towards the girl / boy?
NO. Just because we heal, it is the biggest mistake that we make and that is of expectation of change of behavior from our family / parents.
And it is here that the healed adult needs to teach and keep re-iterating to the child parts that just because we heal, it doesn’t imply that they will too.
It is here where the lessons and the gifts of this family dynamics come into play. It is here where we learn why we chose this family in the first place and it is here that we teach these child selves within about the wisdom of our wounds.
Slowly as both, the adult self and the wounded self absorb and integrate these facets, only then, one day, they will come to a closure with this wound.
Many a times inspite of healing these facets for a long long time, the pain just doesn’t go away because we feel proud that we have come so far because of this pain. Our spiritual pursuits are fuelled by this pain. It is here we unconsciously become attached to this wound. And it is also here that we need to teach the child selves about this painful lesson of the ego self unconsciously holding on the wounded aspects.
It is necessary to teach the child selves that the pain is becoming an anchor for their growth. And that they are unconsciously keeping on living the pain body instead of out of wisdom of that wound.
With conscious awareness we now need to pave the way for these parts and show them that this wound will still be their roots,. But they will now learn not to entangle and operate out of this wounding.
The healed self, with conscious effort and awareness, will now find nourishment in the wisdom and the wound will “stop’ feeding us. And we will stop feeding off of this wound.
We will stop finding our significance and validation through this wound. We will now breathe free and find our belonging to our own Self and find our home in this re birth.
It is now here that the ASCEND has to begin. The child selves and the adults selves now have to root their being in to their gifts and their wisdom coming from their healed selves. It is now their responsibility to become aware that their foundation is now not entangled or operating or fuelling their journey from this pain or wounding.
And “that” is The Real ASCEND.
But, for this re-birth, we have to be ready to die multiple deaths. And for this ASCEND, we have to first DESCEND. And yes it can be a painful journey. But, it is here that we hold each other’s hand and bring each other home.
It is here where we allow. It is here where we ask for support. It is here we rip our selves naked. It is here where we consciously break our walls and allow others to see us in our vulnerabilities. It is here where we take the first step to ask for help and it is here where we begin our journey into our healing . There is no other way. There is no other way. There is no other way.
Aho !
by Neelam Nanwani | Dec 18, 2020 | Soul Words
I see you. I honor you. I acknowledge you !
We are in Sedona. Day 6 and the much awaited flee market shows up. We are all excited. That’s what we have been waiting for.
We stop by after our lunch and we start going through stuff put up by various vendors. There are many shamanic goodies which lure the spirit.
Paul’s attention is drawn to a vendor. A native american lady who has display of her goodies. A necklace with turtle catches Paul’s attention. We ask the price. It feels a little over our budget. We move on.
In moving back and forth between different vendors, I am pulled back to her again. Her stall is empty with no people. I feel pulled to ask her if she can offer her neckpiece for a certain amount. She agrees.
I call Paul back to this place. While we are completing the transaction, I send out loud a blessing for her stall. “May you get more clients who may love your work and may you be blessed with more customers amd abundance”.
She is touched and says she really needs the blessing.
A voice in me tells me to give her a hug. She comes out and I move to the other side of the table.
We hold each other in loving embrace while I whisper into her ears, “I see you. I honor you. I acknowledge you.”
Her eyes tear up. My heart swells up as she says, “So you see me, haan”?
I see her. She sees me and in that moment unspoken love, acknowledgement and honor is exchanged.
While we are still standing at the edge of her stall, we observe customers one after another starting to gather up.
She becomes busy in attending them as we quietly move away.
As we prepare to wind up our trip here in US, it brings re-enforcement that we as humans need just that.. someone to see our essence. Someone to acknowledge how we feel. And someone to honor our unique being.
And what better way in doing so, by being ME. When I said those words I was not being this or that. I was being ME. Expressing what I felt in that moment. Be it negotiating that price, be it offering a blessing or be it giving her a hug or whispering those words in her ears.
And as I reminiscence that moment in sedona, it brings a certain warmth to my heart. The smile and teary eyes will always continue to be a part of me.
The quest in her spirit which so needed to hear :-
I see you. I honor you. I acknowledge you.
Aho !!
by Neelam Nanwani | Dec 17, 2020 | Soul Words
It is easy to be quiet.
It is difficult to speak up.
It is easy to hide
It is difficult to come out in the open
It is easy to get clouded
It is difficult to shine
It is easy to be quiet
It is difficult to speak up.
It is easy to give
Difficult to ask.
It is easy to not show up
It is difficult to show up
It is easy to not offend
It is difficult to confront and challenge
It is easy to fit in
It is difficult to stand out and be different
It is easy to be easy
It is difficult to be difficult
It is easy to shrink
It is difficult to expand and grow
It is easy to cocoon within oneself
It is difficult to go through metamorphosis
It is easy to not take risk
It is difficult to stretch and push the edges
It is easy to bottle up
It is difficult to explode
It is easy to feel embarrassed
It is difficult to own the mistakes
It is easy to want to fix it
It is difficult to hold space
It is easy to clip wings
It is difficult to let someone fly away
It is easy to worry
It is difficult to trust
It is easy to be a victim
It is difficult to be vulnerable
It is easy to escape
It is difficult to face
It is easy to put up with it
It is difficult to say “It’s enough”
It is easy to be in lack
It is difficult to believe “abundance is my birth right”
It is easy to stop and give up
It is difficult to keep moving forward
It is easy to die
It is difficult to live life
It is easy to live as we live
It is difficult to leave this world “Alive”
All our life, we keep living this way, thinking this is easy and that is difficult.
How about if we just LIVE and while living try dipping our toe into some of the difficult things?
For, it is not about whether it is easy or difficult
It is about whether I want to live FULL and FILLED?
And if so, then why can I not try even if it feels difficult? Where and how can I push those edges ?
What can I do to dive into the difficult? Who knows it may actually not be so difficult.
Hmm..What do you feel? Shall we take a dip??
