If I live every moment from the space of being my true potential and my true nature, from my true centre, then I would realise that everything that triggers me about the other is my own aspect deeply hidden within me, looking for validation and acknowledgement.
Slowly and gradually, what others do, will not matter. What I AM, is what will drive the heart always. And that realisation will keep bringing me back to my own centre, to my own truth.
The closer I move to my own truth and the more I live my own true self, what others do, will cease to trigger and bother me.
If someone or something on the outside is bothering me and if a reality exists within me which feels unjust or unfair to me, then I pause and know that it is my own wounding screaming for attention and perhaps even a simple acknowledgement.
During my homestay at Binsar, many such wounds and triggers reared their head again. Aspects that I thought I had made peace with, came crawling up my sleeve, all over again.
For the first three days, the home stay was graced with a large group of 16 people, most of them were students of Vedanta. They were treated with a lot of care and respect and all of their needs met, whether they asked for it or not.
When the group left, a part of me started observing a change of attitude and a certain degree of misogynistic attitude in the owner of the home stay. Simple things I would request would be denied or over looked while the group was treated quite differently.
This started happening repetitively that brought up an unrest in me and the old wounds around “This is unfair or unjust” and “Am I not equally important, so what if I am not with a group” , triggered again. My anger, amidst the stillness of nature was palpable.
We all struggle with our unique place in this web of life, we all ache to feel significant and we all aspire to feel in this scheme of things , “we have a role to play and that we matter.”
The child self in us aches to be seen, to feel that it matters and that it’s important. When this sense of self of the child is threatened, a sense of unrest and often unsafety starts arising in the child. And this then, gives rise to all the chaos and the drama on the outside.
Thanks to my dreamwork and the dream I had the previous night and thanks to the stillness of nature which spoke to me in myriad ways, it made me aware that my own wounds around “life is unfair” or my past family history and karmic history around having experienced “injustice” (or even causing injustice) was rearing its head again.
This awareness induced a pause button to my reactive nature and propelled me to breathe through this pain, again and just be present to it.
I sent love to my child self, spoke to it and I deepened in prayer and surrender. I also sent blessings to the perceived perpetrator.
My unrest settled and although I stayed present to the instances which were seemingly unfair, I also felt compassion for the man and could empathise with his wounding which made him behave in a certain way.
As I communed with nature, I could find my way back to my stillness and in the subsequent days the stay came with a sense of ease and acceptance of the given moment.
The Nature Spirits and my dreamworld were kind enough to show me where I was still holding traces of my pain and gave me an opportunity to accept it, not fight it and yet surrender it.
Returning back to my centre brought me back, home to my true nature.
Celebrate your true nature and Mama nature. Join us for a Full Moon Celebration Drum Circle on 22 June (Saturday) from 7 pm to 8.30 pm (IST). You can add yourself to the WhatsApp group here to get the Zoom link and other updates.
I have been receiving questions on what I will be teaching during the sea healing retreat. What modalities – shamanism or something else.
The sea healing retreat is not about “modalities.” It is as the name suggests all about the SEA and working with the energies of the sea for healing of the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
Unlike other retreats, where the name suggests “X” and the contents are x, b, cx, a…the Sea Healing Retreat is going to be focussed fully and only SEA as the theme.
We all love the ocean. We feel so relaxed at the sea beach. We feel a magnetic pull towards the sea. We feel we can unwind and be stress free.
At the Sea Healing Retreat, 2019
But we do not know WHY we feel stress-free or relaxed when we are at the beach. Little do we know that just like the sea is deep, vast and treasure-filled, so are the healing abilities of this mother of all mothers – The Sea.
So no. There are no modalities. There is no shamanism (albeit everything you see, feel, hear, breathe is Shamanism).
This Sea Healing Retreat is open for ALL and gives you an opportunity to “retreat” from your daily hustle and bustle and go within your own quiet self. Dig deep into your core. It allows you to be who you are without any masks. It gently holds your hand and like the sea embraces you unconditionally and takes you into the depths of your great unknown treasures and strengths.
It unlocks you. It deepens you. It expands you. It moistens you. It untames you. It makes you cry. Makes you laugh. Makes you want to fall in love with yourself and your life all over again.
If you feel you would like to rediscover the child-like innocence again and embrace the sea as your mother, want to be nourished and nurtured, and want to dive into the great unknown, COME! The Sea Mother Awaits YOU.
A glimpse from the Sea Healing Retreat, 2019
Sea is My Mother – A Sea Healing Retreat in Kerala. August 1st to 4th. For more details and to register, click here. You can also call 9979901933 or email neelamnanwani@yahoo.in to know more.
Grandfather sky, the wind spirits, the bird people, father sun called out to me. (In shamanism, we refer to all of nature as all our relations and we call them by addressing them as people. Such as tree people, mountain people, rock people, flower people and so on).
Source: Pinterest
I needed to be in the open to experience the vastness of the sky, the gentle soothing morning breeze on my face, sun and his heat to warm my empty broken spirit and the lightness of the birds – flying overhead, making eye contact and chirping.
Although my knees were hurting, I made an endeavour to climb the staircase to reach the terrace of my building.
Grandfather sky welcomed me with a broad smile. I felt alive. It was as if a protective guardian/Elder was watching over me. The early morning breeze caressed my cheeks and that began my communion with nature.
I walked back and forth, prayed to the sun, watched the birds and suddenly a wave of grief engulfed me.
My body was enjoying the experience and yet I couldn’t understand why grief came upon me.
Source: Pinterest
I walked a couple of rounds on the terrace. It reminded me of the good old days when I have sat on this terrace, did my shamanic work, prayed for my depression and have been showered with many a guidance while I navigate through multiple shamanic initiations in my current journey.
This terrace has beautifully held me, enveloped me with its love, been a container of all my emotions and illnesses. It has been a witness to my twin flame journey when we both went to witness sunrise and prayed for my twin’s hernia surgery.
We have sat there in mild winter sunlight and we have drummed quite a bit as well.
The terrace with the vastness of the sky above it always reminds me and helps me re-member my vastness, grandeur and flight whenever I seem to forget that in the scheme of mundane chores and challenges.
During covid, when I had no one to talk to (Paul was in the US at the time) or after Paul’s passing in 2021, the terrace has been my single most loyal companion.
It has listened to my cries and screams, celebrated my drumming, welcomed my prayers when I sat on the staircase to help departed souls transition with ease during covid. It has been in full partnership with me. I have received from this terrace like I have not received from a human friend.
It has reminded me over and over again that I am not alone and that the whole universe is working with me and for me and is there for me.
So today, as I prayed for divine grace to bring ease to my spiritual journey, I cried and at the same time, felt so much gratitude for this space.
In, shamanism, we believe that EVERYTHING IS ALIVE and everything is connected to everything else. We believe that the entire universe is in partnership with us and co creating with us and for us.
I feel deep gratitude for the terrace holding space for me, co creating with me, present to me and embracing me without judgement or gyaan.
Perhaps it is this unconditional love that brought tears to my eyes.
They were tears of gratitude. And with this gratitude I returned back home to resume my day.
Foundation of Shamanism workshop is returning on April 27-28 2024. To learn more: ✉️ neelamnanwani@yahoo.in 📞 9979901933 🌐 shamanic-vision.net
